Crash Course in Roommate-Isms

some things my roommate has taught me:

1. some strip clubs in vegas require binoculars
2. that it’s okay to take ecstasy on a weeknight at 10:30pm
3. that if you answer the phone at 4:45am he will love you
4. when leaving an evening flings house, don’t forget your shoes, wallet, and most important take your keys not theirs
5. that the military channel shows the same shows over and over
6. that fried green tomatoes will make men cry (this was actually verified by another guy)
7. that men don’t need the bottom sheet or pillow cases and are fine with just a comforter
8. that they are perfectly fine having a girl over without the items in #7
9. that nair is the greatest thing ever but it smells bad
10. that he will bring back the term “fuckin’ a”
11. that axe is not only a body spray but also a shampoo, body wash, cologne, shave cream, bathroom deodorizer, and air freshener and that it can filter through closed doors but, it does fade quickly. oh it also comes in travel sizes and mini bullets.

some things i have taught my roommate:

1. why bring binoculars to a strip club when you can just move closer
2. that taking ecstasy on a weeknight at 10:30am is a waste if you are just going to fall asleep
3. that if he is going to call at 4:45am the first words out of his mouth better be “i love you”
4. that it might be smarter to bring the evening fling here therefore he wont have to run out and worry about leaving things behind especially when she has a boyfriend
5. please… the military channel, need i say more
6. that fried green tomatoes makes everyone cry, it goes right there with steel magnolias
7. that if you use a bottom sheet and pillow cases you will have something to wrap or hold the rest of your laundry in when you have to go to the laundromat
8. that any girl perfectly fine with not having these items on the bed is definitely not a keeper and most likely not even a very good one stand
9. that girls do not like a prickly back from shaving and that nair will be better then shaving, he can do it himself, and will last longer.  we agreed on the scent…
10. by bringing back the term “fuckin’ a” he needs to be prepared to hear “fuck a b, it has more holes”
11. that axe is an overwhelming scent no matter which type he gets and it should be used minimally and only as a body spray, not as a shampoo, body wash, cologne, shave cream, bathroom deodorizer, and air freshener. it is not a shower substitute and that having it filter through closed doors is awful even if it does fade quickly. oh, and the fact that it is so portable scares me.