Sun, Sex Dreams, and Compliments

alright so i know it’s been a long time since you all have heard from me… i’ve suffered from some horrible writers block. not that that can really work as an excuse, i mean here i am writing about random stuff and my daily schpeel but it is true, i just haven’t felt it these last few weeks.  i would pick up my computer only to stare blankly at it, then i would put it down and pick it up, and so on until i would just give up. so i apologize for this delay and i especially apologize because this entry won’t be very exciting but it is what it is.

so here’s the news.  i’ve been feeling pretty good these last few weeks (no the medications have stayed the same) minus the lack of motivation and sleep of course and i’m not really sure why or what’s causing it but whatever it is it’s working well. i’ve tried to pinpoint the onset of my good mood but i can’t really seem to. 

first it could be from a few sundays ago when j requested my company at one of my favorite summertime hang outs.  she got me to get out of the house, really that can be amazing in itself but i also put on a cute outfit and some make-up, a rarity for me these days, months, okay maybe even years… then as i was completing the make-up application g my roommate came home and complimented me on my looks.  i believe his words were “you look hot baby”. yes he’s taken to calling me baby, very strange considering that was d’s name for me too.  also when i was there for the first time i really noticed other men. not just in the sense of “him, yeah he’s cute.” but in the sense of wow, i’m actually noticing him. not getting him pointed out to me and “yeah, he’s hot.”

it could also the random late night texts i’ve been receiving from not one but two guys.  these may have built up some of confidence.  in those texts they were reminding of their on and off for years crushes on me. now that can always bring a girls spirit up and whether or not the crush was or is reciprocated makes no difference, they were just reminding me of them, and no, no compliment fishing was involved.  no crying or pouting about my looks took place.  they gave without my remotest pushing, asking, or questioning. i’ve never thought of myself as pretty and just hearing it made my stomach feel a few butterflies, possibly fireflies will be next.

maybe it’s the overwhelming amount of compliments i’ve received at work lately.  compliments are not often given by my supervisors or maybe i should say one supervisor.

hmmm…. and now for a weird one but i definitely woke up feeling different after this one. i had the most amazing dream about g. now this is why it’s weird… i have never really thought of going to that point with him and well the dream went there and beyond and it was good my friends. too good. so good it made me nervous around him for the next few days. strange? hell yes it is! but good? hell yes it was! sorry if that gives you a bit of visual but you’ll be fine. you see people joke about us going to that special love making, crazy sex having place all the time but i stop them there for a few reasons, not to mention, he is my roomie. and well he’s g. nuff said on that for now.

now t and i had a great “cleaning-out” day so maybe that also helped clean out some demons.  we did stacks upon stacks of laundry. then we hit up my car and proceeded to clean that out too; mini wash and all. we also spent time in the sun while cleaning out the car.  i’ve heard rumors that the sun can help with depression. not sure of the truth in that it i’ll go with it for the sake of this blog and my current mindset.

now i’ve also been able to do a good job with “the avoidance of d”. he calls i don’t answer, i want to but i don’t. he texts and i make him wait it out for days, that is if i even decide to respond causing more texts thus causing me to feel empowered.

or maybe it’s the vitamins, just started taking them again over the last two weeks.

so overall it could be one of these things or the compilation of the above but look out because i’m liking it and i hope it sticks.